So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
