she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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