Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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