I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
