They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
