'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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