Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
