is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
