If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
