Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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