Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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