If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
