I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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