Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
