My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
