no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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