she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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