So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
