i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
