You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize