Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
