turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
