A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
