isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
