At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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