the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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