Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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