for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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