Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
