there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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