he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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