Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
