There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
