This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
