Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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