After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Randomize
