I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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