Do you still have your period?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You are the jesus of drinking
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
