Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
