I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
