I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
