i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
