Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize