I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
