life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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