TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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