My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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