He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
