oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
