his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
